Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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400 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Budget drama, calendar gymnastics, and status updates may p…
Thank you for your email. I will be ignoring it on a delay. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this is a hotfix, please make sure it is not actually…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. I am currently unavailable for spontaneous scope expa…
I am currently unavailable, which feels like useful context for everyone. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this is about deploys, tickets, or myste…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this is about scope, invoices, or timeline optimism, it can wait until…
This message confirms my absence and your continued access to patience. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. The backlog is still there, judging all of us…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Client urgency remains subject to the laws of scheduling and basic ma…
I am out of office and regrettably not standing by for follow-up chaos. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Any issue marked critical should be critical…
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Statements beginning with “quick tweak” will be review…
I am unavailable and gently surprised this required confirmation. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Pull requests, incident chatter, and roadmap anxiet…
I am temporarily unavailable and spiritually on airplane mode. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Project updates, approvals, and invoice anxiety can si…
Thanks for your note. My inbox and I are taking some time apart. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Please reserve escalations for situations involving…
Thank you for your message. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Please assume turnaround times are paused while I am off the clock on purpose. I plan to…
The timing of your email is spectacularly unfortunate for both of us. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. The codebase has endured worse than my temporar…
This is the polite version of me saying I am gone. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. The freelance economy will continue to be weird without my immedia…
You have reached me while I am heroically avoiding responsibility. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Sprint plans will remain fictional without my imme…
I am currently out of the office. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Last-minute revisions are still last-minute revisions even if you add a smiley face…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If the server is merely weird, not broken, let it…
This is an automated reply confirming my temporary absence. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. I will revisit this once my time stops being aggressively…
Bad news for your timeline: I am away. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Product decisions should avoid being made in the comments while I am gone. A d…
I am away from my desk and my inbox. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, or vague miracle should wait.…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this is a hotfix, please make sure it is not actua…
I am currently unavailable for a timely reply. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. I am currently unavailable for spontaneous scope expansion. I plan to…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this is about deploys, tickets, or mystery bugs, please consult the su…