Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am out for parental leave, where the escalation path is usually crying. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, or vague miracle should wait. A response will happen later, because that is how absence works. If this is urgent, please send one concise follow-up instead of five escalating poems. Thank you for handling this with the composure it requires.