Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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200 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Routine corporate theater is expected to conti…
Thank you for your email. I will be ignoring it on a delay. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Pull requests, incident chatter, and roadmap…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Project updates, approvals, and invoice…
I am currently unavailable, which feels like useful context for everyone. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. The codebase has endured worse…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. The freelance economy will continue to be weird without my i…
This message confirms my absence and your continued access to patience. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Please reserve escalations for s…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Please assume turnaround times are paused while I am off…
I am out of office and regrettably not standing by for follow-up chaos. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Sprint plans will remain fiction…
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Last-minute revisions are still last-minu…
I am unavailable and gently surprised this required confirmation. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. If the server is merely weird, not bro…
I am temporarily unavailable and spiritually on airplane mode. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. I will revisit this once my time stops be…
Thanks for your note. My inbox and I are taking some time apart. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. If this is a hotfix, please make sure i…
Thank you for your message. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. I am currently unavailable for spontaneous scope expansion. I appreciate you…
The timing of your email is spectacularly unfortunate for both of us. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Product decisions should avoid bei…
This is the polite version of me saying I am gone. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, or…
You have reached me while I am heroically avoiding responsibility. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. If this is about deploys, tickets, or…
I am currently out of the office. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. If this is about scope, invoices, or timeline optimism, it can wait un…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. The backlog is still there, judging…
This is an automated reply confirming my temporary absence. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Client urgency remains subject to the laws o…
Bad news for your timeline: I am away. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Any issue marked critical should be critical in a way that could…
I am away from my desk and my inbox. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Statements beginning with “quick tweak” will be reviewed later and…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Pull requests, incident chatter, and roa…
I am currently unavailable for a timely reply. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Project updates, approvals, and invoice anxiety can sit t…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. The codebase has endured worse than my temporary disappearan…