Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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240 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
This note confirms that I am not presently available. I am offline restoring my nervous system to factory-ish settings. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until…
Congratulations, you reached me at the exact wrong moment. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Please treat most business escalations as sus…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am stepping away because my capacity has filed a formal grievance. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until pro…
I am currently unavailable, which feels like useful context for everyone. I am on leave for burnout recovery and refusing to romanticize exhaustion. Please treat most business esc…
This is an automated confession that I have vanished. I am away because the previous pace was illegal in several dimensions. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious u…
I am away from my desk and my inbox. I am away pretending my calendar is a legal document. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until proven urgent. I will return…
The timing of your email is spectacularly unfortunate for both of us. I am at a conference collecting badges, lanyards, and secondhand jargon. Please treat most business escalatio…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am on holiday and busy making terrible hydration choices. Please treat most business escalations as suspiciou…
I have exited the building emotionally and physically. I am away at an event where everyone is networking with alarming sincerity. Please treat most business escalations as suspic…
I am out of the office, despite the optimism of this message thread. I am traveling, offline, and emotionally unavailable to workflows. Please treat most business escalations as s…
This note confirms that I am not presently available. I am out sick and giving my immune system the floor. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until proven urgent…
Congratulations, you reached me at the exact wrong moment. I am out making memories instead of follow-up notes. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until proven u…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am offline while my body negotiates a better arrangement. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until proven urgen…
I am currently unavailable, which feels like useful context for everyone. I am unwell, horizontal, and not accepting fresh problems. Please treat most business escalations as susp…
This is an automated confession that I have vanished. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until prov…
The timing of your email is spectacularly unfortunate for both of us. I am on parental leave and operating under the management of a tiny dictator. Please treat most business esca…
This is an automated reply confirming my temporary absence. I am at an event where every hallway conversation became a calendar liability. Please treat most business escalations a…
I have exited the building emotionally and physically. I am away learning new leadership lessons from someone who cannot hold a spoon. Please treat most business escalations as su…
You have reached me while I am heroically avoiding responsibility. I am conference-bound and temporarily loyal to a badge scanner. Please treat most business escalations as suspic…
Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am away from my desk while the conference ecosystem attempts to inspire me. Please treat most business escalati…
I am away and operating on a delayed-response model. I am unavailable for a short stretch and have made peace with that. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am out of office for reasons that are boring but fully valid. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until proven urgen…
Thank you for your email. I will be ignoring it on a delay. I am away dealing with a temporary scheduling situation. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until pro…
The bad news is I am unavailable. The worse news is I planned it. I am currently absent and choosing not to over-explain it. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious u…