Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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200 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
This note confirms that I am not presently available. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Routine corporate theater is expected to continue in my absen…
This automated reply confirms I am unavailable, as previously implied by my calendar. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Pull requests, incident chatt…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Project updates, approvals, and invoice anxiety…
I am away from routine communication for a short period. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Please treat most business escalations as suspicious until…
I am away from my desk and unable to indulge immediate expectations. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. The codebase has endured worse than my tempora…
Bad news for your timeline: I am away. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. The freelance economy will continue to be weird without my immediate partici…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. If this relates to approvals, deck revisions, or stakehol…
Thank you for your email. I will be ignoring it on a delay. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Please reserve escalations for situations involving rea…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Please assume turnaround times are paused while I a…
I am currently unavailable, which feels like useful context for everyone. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Sprint plans will remain fictional withou…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Last-minute revisions are still last-minute revisions even if you add a…
This message confirms my absence and your continued access to patience. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. If the server is merely weird, not broken,…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. I will revisit this once my time stops being aggressively pre-booke…
I am out of office and regrettably not standing by for follow-up chaos. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Product decisions should avoid being made i…
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, o…
I am unavailable and gently surprised this required confirmation. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. If this is a hotfix, please make sure it is not a…
I am temporarily unavailable and spiritually on airplane mode. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. I am currently unavailable for spontaneous scope exp…
Thanks for your note. My inbox and I are taking some time apart. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. The backlog is still there, judging all of us equa…
Thank you for your message. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Client urgency remains subject to the laws of scheduling and basic math. I will respond…
The timing of your email is spectacularly unfortunate for both of us. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. If this is about deploys, tickets, or mystery…
This is the polite version of me saying I am gone. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. If this is about scope, invoices, or timeline optimism, it can w…
You have reached me while I am heroically avoiding responsibility. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Any issue marked critical should be critical in…
I am currently out of the office. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Statements beginning with “quick tweak” will be reviewed later and skeptically. I…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away recovering, which currently outranks email etiquette. Pull requests, incident chatter, and roadmap an…