Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am on parental leave and operating under the management of a tiny dictator. If this is about scope, invoices, or timeline optimism, it can wait until I resurface. I will respond when I return, which is earlier than some expectations deserve. If this is urgent, please send one concise follow-up instead of five escalating poems. Thank you for adjusting to this entirely foreseeable delay.