Professionally ignore people with style.

I am temporarily unavailable and spiritually on airplane mode. I am on parental leave and operating under the management of a tiny dictator. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, or vague miracle should wait. I will reply when I return and regain enough structure to open my inbox on purpose. If this cannot wait, use the pre-arranged urgent route rather than hopeful emailing. Your restraint during my absence will be noted by no one.