Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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240 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
Thank you for your email. I will be ignoring it on a delay. I am away collecting sunburn, questionable snacks, and plausible deniability. If this involves a table, a room, or a co…
The bad news is I am unavailable. The worse news is I planned it. I am spending leave days nowhere near a laptop charger. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start w…
You have contacted a person who is currently somewhere else on purpose. I am away for a routine absence and not monitoring email closely. If this involves a table, a room, or a co…
I am away from routine communication for a short period. I am out for parental leave, where the escalation path is usually crying. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint…
I am currently out of the office. I am away because the previous pace was illegal in several dimensions. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start with the current s…
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. If this involves a table, a room, or a co…
Thanks for your note. My inbox and I are taking some time apart. I am currently unavailable while I attempt to become a person again. If this involves a table, a room, or a compla…
I appreciate the email and regrettably will not be reading it promptly. I am away at an event where everyone is networking with alarming sincerity. If this involves a table, a roo…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. If this involves a table, a room, or a complai…
I am away from my desk and unable to indulge immediate expectations. I am at an industry event and probably trapped in a breakout session. If this involves a table, a room, or a c…
You have contacted a person who is currently somewhere else on purpose. I am taking recovery time instead of pretending a calendar block fixes everything. If this involves a table…
I am out of the office with the energy of a raccoon in a conference room. I am away speaking, listening, or pretending to enjoy panel discussions. If this involves a table, a room…
I am away from routine communication for a short period. I am traveling, offline, and emotionally unavailable to workflows. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start…
I am currently out of the office. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start with the current supervisor…
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am out making memories instead of follow-up notes. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start with th…
Thanks for your note. My inbox and I are taking some time apart. I am resting and letting every notification fight for second place. If this involves a table, a room, or a complai…
If you were hoping for a rapid reply, the universe has other material. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. If this involves a table, a room,…
I appreciate the email and regrettably will not be reading it promptly. I am away learning new leadership lessons from someone who cannot hold a spoon. If this involves a table, a…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am on leave with a new human who has no respect for office hours. If this involves a table, a room, or a complain…
I am away from my desk and unable to indulge immediate expectations. I am temporarily unavailable while the household schedule is run by naps. If this involves a table, a room, or…
You have contacted a person who is currently somewhere else on purpose. I am taking sick leave instead of spreading germs and resentment. If this involves a table, a room, or a co…
I am out of the office with the energy of a raccoon in a conference room. I am out handling family logistics that make email look optional. If this involves a table, a room, or a…
This note confirms that I am not presently available. I am away from my desk while the conference ecosystem attempts to inspire me. If this involves a table, a room, or a complain…
Thank you for your message. I am currently absent and choosing not to over-explain it. If this involves a table, a room, or a complaint, start with the current supervisor. I will…