Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. If this is about deploys, tickets, or mystery bugs, please consult the surviving adults on the thread. I will respond when I return, which is earlier than some expectations deserve. For urgent technical issues, use the on-call process instead of summoning me from the void. Thank you for adjusting to this entirely foreseeable delay.