Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am away collecting sunburn, questionable snacks, and plausible deniability. Brand crises should be confirmed as actual crises before being escalated. You can expect a response after my absence, not during it. Urgent matters should go to the project lead with the least visible eye twitch. Thank you for your measured response to my unavailability.