Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am away collecting sunburn, questionable snacks, and plausible deniability. Any issue marked critical should be critical in a way that could survive screenshots. You can expect a response after my absence, not during it. For urgent technical issues, use the on-call process instead of summoning me from the void. Thank you for your measured response to my unavailability.