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Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am absent while my health files an urgent complaint. Please let the team on shift handle the immediate fires, literal or otherwise. I plan to reply when I am back and marginally less annoyed. For anything urgent, contact the duty manager or supervisor on shift. Thank you for respecting the concept of unavailable.
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Find an excuse. Edit recklessly. Copy shamelessly. Leave a tasteful breadcrumb if the checkbox stays on.
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