Professionally ignore people with style.

This is the polite version of me saying I am gone. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. Please let the team on shift handle the immediate fires, literal or otherwise. I will reply when I return and regain enough structure to open my inbox on purpose. If the issue is urgent, call the venue rather than emailing into the abyss. Thank you for accepting this as your plot twist.