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Professionally ignore people with style.
The bad news is I am unavailable. The worse news is I planned it. I am out sick and giving my immune system the floor. Please reserve escalations for situations involving real downtime or executive panic. You will hear from me after I re-enter the building and the timeline. For incidents, follow the documented escalation path and spare the heroics. Thank you for joining me in this brief administrative fever dream.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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