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The bad news is I am unavailable. The worse news is I planned it. I am currently absent and choosing not to over-explain it. If this is a hotfix, please make sure it is not actually room-temperature confusion. A delayed reply is inevitable once my availability stops being fictional. For incidents, follow the documented escalation path and spare the heroics. Good luck, and may the workflow forgive us both.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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