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Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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I am out of the office with the energy of a raccoon in a conference room. I am traveling, offline, and emotionally unavailable to workflows. If this is about deploys, tickets, or mystery bugs, please consult the surviving adults on the thread. I will answer later, ideally before this turns into folklore. Anything urgent belongs with the on-call rotation, not my vacation conscience. Best of luck to everyone involved, frankly.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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