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Professionally ignore people with style.
I am out of the office with the energy of a raccoon in a conference room. I am at a conference collecting badges, lanyards, and secondhand jargon. Any issue marked critical should be critical in a way that could survive screenshots. I will reply when I return from wherever I flung myself for survival. Anything urgent belongs with the on-call rotation, not my vacation conscience. Your patience is doing dangerous heavy lifting right now.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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