Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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725 messages ready to professionally disappear on your behalf.
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am taking sick leave instead of spreading germs and resentment. Notes, comps, and big feelings can queue in an orderly…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am spending leave days nowhere near a laptop charger. Brand crises should be confirmed as actual crises before being es…
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. The codebase has endured worse than my tem…
This is an automated reply confirming my temporary absence. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. The freelance economy will continue to be weird wi…
Bad news for your timeline: I am away. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Please reserve escalations for situations involving real downtime or ex…
I am away from my desk and my inbox. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Please assume turnaround times are paused while I am off the clock on pur…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. Art direction will survive a short pause witho…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am out for parental leave, where the escalation path is usually crying. If the server is merely weird, not broken, let…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am unwell, horizontal, and not accepting fresh problems. Pull requests, incident chatter, and roadmap anxiety can queue…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am using paid time off to stare at scenery and ignore notifications. If this is a hotfix, please make sure it is not ac…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am unavailable while absorbing trend forecasts and weak coffee. Event logistics, service hiccups, and inventory nerves…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am offline restoring my nervous system to factory-ish settings. Please route urgent service issues to whoever still has…
I am currently out of office and refusing to pretend otherwise. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Sprint plans will remain fictional without my…
I am currently unavailable for a timely reply. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Last-minute revisions are still last-minute revisions even if y…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away keeping a small person alive, which is somehow a full-time role. Any request involving a discount, rush fee wai…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am away on medical leave and pretending soup is a strategy. The freelance economy will continue to be weird without my…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am on vacation and committed to disappointing my inbox. If this is about scope, invoices, or timeline optimism, it can…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am at an industry event and probably trapped in a breakout session. The slide deck will remain exactly as dramatic as I…
The email found me, but I am still missing. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. If the server is merely weird, not broken, let it marinate. I plan…
I appreciate the email and regrettably will not be reading it promptly. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. I will revisit this once my time stops…
Congratulations, you reached me at the exact wrong moment. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Bookings, shifts, and customer theatrics will conti…
I am away from work and thriving irresponsibly. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Product decisions should avoid being made in the comments whil…
I am away and operating on a delayed-response model. I am attending a conference and being professionally over-scheduled. Any request involving a discount, rush fee waiver, or vag…
Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am offline for a short period and letting that be enough information. Please resist the urge to redesign everything in…