Professionally ignore people with style.

Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am on parental leave and operating under the management of a tiny dictator. Guest drama, rota puzzles, and menu panic should be handled by the floor team on duty. I will respond when I return, which is earlier than some expectations deserve. For anything urgent, contact the duty manager or supervisor on shift. Thank you for adjusting to this entirely foreseeable delay.