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Professionally ignore people with style.
Your email has located me at an impressively inconvenient moment. I am at a conference and moving between sessions with theatrical urgency. Please assume turnaround times are paused while I am off the clock on purpose. I will reply after I am back, despite the current enthusiasm for immediacy. If this is urgent, please send one concise follow-up instead of five escalating poems. Thank you for adjusting to this entirely foreseeable delay.
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