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Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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Your email has been received during my scheduled absence. I am using paid time off to stare at scenery and ignore notifications. Please let the team on shift handle the immediate fires, literal or otherwise. I expect to reply once I return and have worked through the queue. If the issue is urgent, call the venue rather than emailing into the abyss. I appreciate your understanding and patience.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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