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This message confirms my absence and your continued access to patience. I am away collecting sunburn, questionable snacks, and plausible deniability. Routine corporate theater is expected to continue in my absence. You can expect a response after my absence, not during it. Immediate concerns can be routed to the department lead. Thank you for adjusting to this entirely foreseeable delay.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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