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This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am out for parental leave, where the escalation path is usually crying. If this is about deploys, tickets, or mystery bugs, please consult the surviving adults on the thread. I will get back to you once my out-of-office era concludes. Anything urgent belongs with the on-call rotation, not my vacation conscience. Your restraint during my absence will be noted by no one.
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