Professionally ignore people with style.

This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. Statements beginning with “quick tweak” will be reviewed later and skeptically. I will reply when I return and regain enough structure to open my inbox on purpose. Immediate concerns should be sent in a single clear message and not a flurry. Please enjoy this delay as a character-building exercise.