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Professionally ignore people with style.
This autoresponder confirms I have escaped my desk with confidence. I am away from the office for a general and none-of-your-business absence. Brand crises should be confirmed as actual crises before being escalated. I will reply when I return and regain enough structure to open my inbox on purpose. Immediate project needs should be routed to the active creative lead. Please enjoy this delay as a character-building exercise.
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