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Professionally ignore people with style.
This autoresponder confirms I am unavailable due to event travel while keynote optimism drains my battery and several unlicensed omens. Service drama, room requests, and radio traffic can be handled by the people wearing sensible shoes. Replies will arrive after the moon returns my executive function. Urgent service needs belong with the team on shift, who are heroically still standing. The pigeons have already reviewed the fallback plan.
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