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Weaponized absence, now searchable.
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Thank you for your message. I am taking sick leave instead of spreading germs and resentment. Cross-functional anxiety should be routed through someone with more availability. A delayed reply is expected once I am back in office. For urgent issues, contact the team lead or whichever vice president loves escalation the most. I appreciate your patience.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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