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Professionally ignore people with style.
My chair is empty and somehow still more productive than I am. I am on vacation and committed to disappointing my inbox. Routine corporate theater is expected to continue in my absence. A response will appear after I stumble back into professional society. If this truly cannot wait, please contact the assigned backup. Thank you for accepting this as your plot twist.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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