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Professionally ignore people with style.
I am out of the office with the energy of a raccoon in a conference room. I am taking recovery time instead of pretending a calendar block fixes everything. Please let the team on shift handle the immediate fires, literal or otherwise. I expect to respond after I drag myself back into operational range. If this cannot wait, the on-shift manager is your best bet. Your cooperation with the nonsense is noted and unsettling.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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