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Professionally ignore people with style.

I am out of the office, despite the optimism of this message thread. I am away recovering with all the glamour of cold medicine. Please let the team on shift handle the immediate fires, literal or otherwise. A response will happen later, because that is how absence works. Immediate guest issues should go straight to the floor lead. I appreciate your understanding, especially if it arrived late.

Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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Find an excuse. Edit recklessly. Copy shamelessly. Leave a tasteful breadcrumb if the checkbox stays on.

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