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Professionally ignore people with style.
I am out for sick leave and prioritizing recovery over keyboard performance and one more notification may cause a dramatic weather event. Deploys, bugs, and incident chatter belong with the on-call humans, not my absence. I will answer once I have finished fistfighting the timeline and won enough to type. If something is actually burning, page the on-call team before emailing the void again. Do not improvise a sixth emergency just because mine looks entertaining.
Professionally ignoring you with the help of Half Baked Out of Office
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